What the heck was 2021? Was it better than 2020? I don’t know, I can’t really tell. It’s my first year living a full year in Japan, that’s one thing for sure. I think I went through a lot realization in 2021 and a lot of things changed inside of me. I’m starting to forget why I moved to Japan in the first place, but I think that’s a good thing because all I remember is that it wasn’t a pleasant reason to begin with. Either way, I have no intentions of moving back home.
One of the best thing I’ve done this year is probably buying myself a camera. Back in February I got myself a Fujifilm XT200 and it’s one of the best purchases I’ve made. I’ve always loved taking photos and I always wondered what it would be like if I could take photos with a real camera and not my phone camera.
What I wanted to do the most with the camera is capture the beautiful scenery we see in everyday life.
And of course I’m no where near being able to do that, but it doesn’t matter because it’s still a lot of fun to take photos. Only thing that sucks is that I don’t get to go out much. Or more so, I don’t get the time to since my life has just been work, home, work, home for the longest time. I wasn’t truly free from work on the weekends until December.
I guess another theme of this year are tests. Tests, tests, tests. Studying for tests was kinda fun to be honest. It also made me realize how much I’m not content with my current Japanese language ability. Sure my Japanese level is probably beyond just “conversation” Japanese, but even then I feel like I can barely have real conversation with people fully in Japanese. My vocabulary sucks so I can’t find the right words to describe what I actually want to say and how I actually feel. Once you run into a problem like this, what do you do? You try harder to get better.
This past October I also celebrated my 2nd year of being completely single. Like I’m so single that I don’t even have people that I’m “talking” to. Do I feel lonely? No. Or at least I wasn’t until recently. You see, I’ve grown really attached to someone. I don’t even know why I feel this way towards them but I can’t stop thinking about it. I just know it’s not something I can pursue since it definitely won’t work out but… I haven’t felt this strongly towards anyone in a very very long time so I’ll cherish it while I can. And because of these feelings I’m developing, that is when I think I started to feel lonely. Isn’t that strange? Although these emotions has been causing me a lot of pain, I’m also kind of happy that I can actually feel again. If that makes any sense.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about my next steps in living in Japan. I absolutely love my current job, but for many many reasons, I know I can’t be doing this forever. I’m in the search for something new, and when that page turns, it’ll be a very bitter sweet moment, I feel. I’ve grown to love children from teaching. (to be honest I hated kids before) I also loved being able see the school life in another country. It’s not something you can easily experience, so to not just see it, but be a part of it is a very magical thing to me.
Well anyways, this is my final blog post for 2021. It wasn’t exactly the best, but I didn’t get it. Hoping for a different and exciting 2022.