At the beginning of the year, my previous superviser at work made us pull a keyword out of a hat and asked us to spend the rest of 2019 to figure out what that word means to you. My keyword was “Important”. What is important to me? Is it my work? Fame? Family? Friendship? Or perhaps, my relationship? It took me awhile to finally realize that what’s important to me is me.
Throughout the decade, I don’t think I spend enough time on giving myself enough importance. I would always be swayed by my romantic relationship and constantly doubt my capabilities. I live in fear of the many scars I’ve collected in the last 10 years and as a result, I’ve been marching towards a path of unhappiness. I’ve forgotten what defines me. What makes me happy and proud of myself.
So I’ve decided that I’m going to live for me and what’s important to me. Learn to be happy with me and not set any sort of expectation that someone else is going to find that for me. I’ve become so selfish and self centered with this mindset, but I think it’s important to give myself this kind of time to really find the balance in life. I can’t expect other people to heal my scars because honestly, every time I’ve tried to rely on someone else, it has only made it worse. No one knows me better than myself, so this is something I am going to have to resolve on my own.
I’m thankful for those who have accepted me and my selfish request to just live my life the way I want to. And to those who still are trying to make me live up to their expectation, I hope you either grow up or get out of my life.
Happy Holidays. Hoping you a wonderful start of a new decade.