Category: Rant

Hard To Say

HondaiMood: unsure
Listening to: Eyes, Nose, Lips – TaeYang
Playing: osu
Craving: Tofu Soup
Watching: Late Night w/ Lysee

I haven’t written an update on my life for awhile. So many backlogs from May & June that I really don’t feel like finishing because it’s just too painful to even think about what I was trying to say in them. I don’t even know what the point of this post is but oh well, just wing it: Hondai style.

Honestly, my mood recently has been in it’s ups and down. I’ve been meeting great people, finding a new part of me, while rediscovering a part of myself that I love. But every time I hit a high of happiness, something blocks me from believing that I am truly happy. Then again, what is true happiness even? Is it something I get when I find my dream job? When the person I’ve given up so much for finally returns the favor? When I’m finally free from any emotional obligations? Even god doesn’t know. Someone told me that “happiness is something you choose“.. if this is the case then does that mean I am constantly choosing to be unhappy? I think I’m just going to do what makes me happy right now.

I think I found a little place where I don’t have to worry about my stupid little problems. I’m going to cherish it as long as I can.


HondaiMood: hopeful
Listening to: I Was King – ONE OK ROCK
Playing: Osu!
Craving: water
Watching: YouTube Lives

We are, we are! We’re colors in the dark~

The crowd sang together as they push forward to get a better glimps of their favorite rock idol. Some rocking their souls out and others holding their recording devices so they can show off on social media. While I was there holding my stance in the crowd, at awe with the live performance.

I wasn’t prepared for this ONE OK ROCK concert but I knew they would blow my mind if I saw them live. I honestly haven’t listened to their newer songs for the past 2 years. I just couldn’t get myself into their XXXIV album. I assumed they were taking the same direction with Ambitions, their new album, but I was wrong. You can never expect ONE OK ROCK to do the same thing twice. They’re always changing and evolving, which is why they have made it this far. Their live performance was amazing as always. They got me at their performance of I Was King. There was just something about Taka’s melancholic screaming “I Was King” that pierced me right through. It was beautiful. I couldn’t ask for a better way to end the 24th year of my life. I made new friends from Japan and connected with my sister’s acquaintance to create a mutual friend. It was good to know that I wasn’t completely dead at socializing. I just haven’t been meeting the right people.

Lately things have been turning upside down for me in terms of my social life. I used to find more people I can connect with well through the internet but now, I’ve been finding more people that I connect with better IRL. You will probably hear me say this a lot but… I cannot get along with normal people. Don’t take my usage of Normal People too literally. By ‘normal people’ I mean the type of people who hold a certain type of characteristics. Here is how I would define ‘normal people’

nor·mal peo·ple
A group of human beings that follows the latest trend to fit in with the mass majority creating a domino affect of mindless trends being recycled. Also often comes with the act of disregarding non-popular opinions. The only opinions that matter are what the media and everyone else does or says.

I don’t think it is unusual for people to do certain things to feel socially accepted. I get it, that’s fine. But my personal reason for steering away from these ‘normal people‘ is because these folks raise their eyebrows at things I used to do because I liked it or it was my hobby. Back then they didn’t care for it because it wasn’t the ‘trend’: it was simply not cool enough for them. But now that some of my hobbies are becoming a trend, they’re acting like they own it or it’s a part of their identity. The worse part of it all, they’re trying to get me ‘into’ it while I’m sitting here thinking “I’ve been doing this for years” or “I’ve told you about this before”. If I were to say things like that, it will sound negative.. like I’m a smart-ass. That’s just how I am I guess? To me these people lack a real sense of identity. Mindless puppets being manipulated by the media… Now that I think about it, aren’t these people called Tools?

In any case, all bitterness aside. I took my birthday off and had dinner with my family at Din Tai Fung. It was a good birthday. Now that I am 25, I wonder if anything will change? All I wish for is everything going uphill from here. I don’t being stuck in the ditch.

Current OSU PP: 910… we’ll talk about this later lol. Maybe I should aim higher like.. 2,000 PP by the end of the year? Yeah.

Dear Apple

HondaiMood: furious
Listening to: SMAP 25 YEARS
Playing: Osu!
Craving: NOTHING
Watching: Bistro SMAP

Dear Apple,

Why did you delete the songs in my playlist just because it didn’t match your Apple Music library. Just FYI, that was 90% of the music that I actually listen to. You and your dam automated smart ass program that should have been tested with more than the ordinary users. It’s been over a year since I last used Apple Music and iTunes in the Cloud oh wait, jk, you call that iCloud Music Library now. Because it’s been awhile, I thought I’d give you a 2nd chance. Now I’m sitting here regretting my decisions. Now you may argue with me that the program did what it’s supposed to do and I was wrong on the user end. But I can also say that it’s a design flaw because I did what’s most intuitive: turned on iCloud Music Library for both devices I want to use it on.

On the topic of intuitive, why is iTunes and the Music app becoming less intuitive. As someone who supported your product only over a year ago, I still have a hard time finding the shuffle, repeat button. Oh, I should have guessed that I’m supposed to click on the currently playing song view and scrolled down = =.I rather see those features first thing over the single cover that Apple Music can’t even load properly. Speaking of which, Apple Music doesn’t even work for me half of the time since I click on a song and it buffers and times out 70% of the time. Now you can blame my connection but why is a Youtube video, or even your competitor Spotify able to load things just fine? UGH

Can you just give me back iTunes 7? Easy. Simple. Less Clutter.

PS. maybe you should let in some of your employees to test out your program since everything gets ‘leaked’ anyways.

The struggles of an ex-hardcore gamer

As many of you who has known me for the past 10 years I’ve been blogging, you all probably know that I’m an avid gamer.

Back in my high school days I was a hardcore MapleStory player. It was litterally my childhood if you read the blogs in my MapleStory tag. Then came League of Legends in my college days and it became something that defined who I was. I made many friends from gaming. Not to mention I’ve been always dating a gamer, and on my university years my sister was away in China so all is left of me is games, games and games.

Especially being a girl who play online games, you attract a big crowd of gamer dudes befriending you. I went form being shy otaku in HS who talked only to girls, to college twintail lolli who only has guy friends.
I graduated from university 3 years ago, I started working full time since. Since then, I notice it wasn’t only school that I graduated from, but I also graduated from several things;

  1. being broke all the time
  2. twin tails and the loli look in general
  3. procrastinating
  4. fan girling
  5. gaming

It’s kind of weird to think that back when I was in school I would rather be playing tetris on Facebook over doing my reading assignments. If I had to do reading assignments now, I’d be too annoyed of the stress of not having it done to have fun doing anything else. Not to mention reading has been pretty enjoyable lately. I’ve had an agreement with my sister to finish at least a book a month since May and I’ve been liking that a lot. Although.. I haven’t started on my July book yet and we’re halfway there. Maybe I should write my book of the month entries too lol.

Back on to the topic, ever since I started working  I’ve been playing games less and less. At first I thought it’s because I’m busy but later I started realizing that rather than being busy, it’s more like I’d rather be doing something else  than drowning myself in a single game. This is the moment I truly understood the meaning of “killing time”. The only time I play games now is to kill some time while I’m waiting to do something else. For example, I would log onto Overwatch to kill some time while waiting for my laundry to be done. Or I would kill some time before I go to bed. Of course I still have some times where I would play just because I feel like playing but a lot of times it’s not like that anymore. And for some reason, the times I’m online to play the games with friends, my friends are never online during those times. So there, another point I barely play games hardcore anymore. The worse part about being an ex hardcore gamers is that your friends are still hardcore gamers. So when the time comes a new game launches, you play casually mean while your friends a miles ahead of you and already know everything you need to know about the game before you get to start exploring.

A lot of times I feel jealous of the girls nowadays that are ‘cool’ because they’re pretty hardcore gamer while I’m trashed away in the casual corner. Then again, knowing that my life is more than just online gaming is a great feeling as well.
It’s time to go otaku on something new.. because hey, lets be real here, online gamer girls are the new mainstream and I hate being mainstream so :p todaloo online gamer girls.
Time to be an otaku in visual novels. Ha ha HAha