Is that your best?

HondaiMood: Tired
Listening to: STAY – SMAP
Eating: Hungry…
Reading: –
Working on: Econ.
Browsing: –
Watching: –

Right now I’m at my college waiting for my bus to come to get home. I didn’t have classes today though, I came here to study because I couldn’t concentrate at home.

I studied for nearly 4 hours, and I still couldn’t do the problems we are to finish by tomorrow 11 PM. I read the textbook. I tried to understand the practice problems. But I still couldn’t do it! Then I had a though “ARG! I’m giving up, gunna go home and just browse the web now.” Then I packed my books into my bag then I was ready to go. But then I want to check the time but I forgot my phone! So I went back to get it.

When I got it back, I open it look look at the time then I saw the stupid background I made for myself because I want to take revenge of the meany Tegoshi in my dream a couple of nights before. I made him being nice, with that happy face of his saying “Gan gan gan batte” (do do do your best) then I paused, and thought to myself. I always tell myself “Ganbarimasu!, I’m going to give it my best!” and stuff like that but have I ever really done it? Do I ever even try hard enough?

On the outside people see me as such a hard worker, but inside I know, I give up… so easily. I don’t like how I am right now. I have big aims yet I’m not facing it properly, it’s so lame. If people see me as hard working.. I’ll be hard working for other’s sake, and mostly my own sake. If I ever give up, maybe I’ll look at this stupid “Gangangan batte” Tegoshi picture I made. So I’ll remember I this entry I wrote. And remember how pathetic I can really be.

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